an old girlfriend

well, i mean

she isn’t old

she is younger than me

older than she was though

let’s just say, an old

young girlfriend

yes, an old

young acquaintance of mine

made a post online

with a picture of her face

about how she

welcomes the ‘muse’

with things like

dancing

playing

and trying to not force things

into a marketable box

she asked others to

comment with how they

also welcome the ‘muse’

so i thought that

i would give it a try

first i wake up and attempt

a bowel movement or

take a piss and try to shake

well enough so that urine doesn’t

drip down my leg

(which seems to be happening a lot)

then ill watch hockey highlights

which usually include connor mcdavid or any oilers postgame interviews

then ill put pants on and walk downstairs for coffee

or maybe somewhere a bit further

if the weather is nice

then ill try to read a book

but mostly i will just scroll through

instagram or facebook

and then read blogs on oilersnation

then i will waft through

some notes on my phone

and find things like

‘the school bus driver is drunk’

and

‘the avocado went bad’

and

‘i love the way your back sweats’

and then i will put my phone away

and walk to the canada place

food court and eat a donair

and then i will walk home

and wonder why i chose

to consume a donair

and then i’ll wonder

why i chose to do everything

that i have done

particularly

why i’ve chosen a craft

where one can

dance and play

and post photos

of their face online

to conjure up some mystical

songwriting spirit

that will guide them to some

principled body of work

and by the time i enter

the third floor of my

apartment building

i’ll have written three songs

one for the school bus driver

one for the avocado

and another one for you

without mcdavid

the oilers would be mess

i mean they still are a mess

but without hockey’s prince of peace they would be

an even bigger mess

a bunch of tires on fire

today is the messiah’s birthday

i celebrate by laying in bed wearing two pairs of pants drinking coffee while watching esa tikkanen highlights on youtube

nothing really out of the ordinary

aside from the tickling emotional sensation that one feels

on the birth of a good shepherd

sent to relieve oilers fans of the managerial sins of

lowetambellinimctavishchiarelli

when down such a rabbit hole of jubilant observation

i often forget to feed myself

maybe i’ll slip on

a third pair of pants

and walk to get a donair

i have an important

floor hockey game tonight

and i must be well stocked on

pitameatpickleonionsauce

in order to optimize my talents

as a generational centreperson

for the top team in the recreational co-ed division of the edmonton sport and social club

once i was warming up

with stick and ball

when a young child

of an opponent came up to me

and asked, ‘are you connor?’

to which i responded, ‘no’

and then he scurried away

and i continued to make poetry

with shaft and blade

he then came back

and said, ‘i just have to make sure,

are you sure you’re not connor?’

and i said, ‘yes, i am sure’

he scurried away again

and left me wondering if it was my body composition that peaked the young child’s interest

or if it was my skills that reminded

him of our hockey hero

and now as i reflect today

i give thanks to the

rink boards and flavors

of our connor

who hallowed be thy game

of mysticism and ice

somehow brought two souls together at the boyle street plaza

months and months ago

happy birthday connor

may you forever fly within our hearts

and may you stay forever handsome

while walking to my car

i crossed a man

who was stopped

on the sidewalk

he had his bags on the ground

and he stood for a rest

his smile was wider than a mile

‘jesus loves you’

was embroidered on his ball cap

seeing my guitar in hand

he said

‘do you play?’

‘yes’ i said

‘congratulations!’

‘thanks’

‘do you sing as well?’

‘yes’

‘i am so proud of you!’

‘that makes one of us’

as i passed him

he picked up his bags

and sauntered on

and i went to the airport

and played harvest moon

five times

cuz i’m still in love with you

just like jesus is

god bless

returned a rental

to long and mcquade

a small sound system

to give the voice a boost

so the audience can almost hear me when i mumble instead of not hearing me at all

‘what did he say?’

they’ll say

that’s what they’ll say

they’ll say

‘did you get that?’

it’s humid in the guitar room

like a sauna where you keep your clothes on

there is a threat playing guitar in the corner

he goes strum strum strum

i go pluck pluck on a nylon

he says

‘do you play classical’

i say, ‘no’

he says, ‘I’ll be quiet so you can play’

i say, ‘no no’

he says, ‘i just mess around i’ve never had a lesson’

i say, ‘i can tell’

‘what did he say?’

that’s what they will say

they will say

‘did you get that?’

thanks for coming to the show

i found my wallet

it was on the floor in some laundry

i looked a million times

is someone playing a trick

i cancelled my credit card because of course the thief who had it was bound for a spree

i got a new license

and in order to do so i had to pay three parking infractions

seventy

seventy

seventy

perhaps i moved a little quick

but i was headed to pigeon lake and thought i needed a license in case i was pulled over

anyways

i got my cash back

i feel like an idiot

nothing has changed

one debit card

one credit card

one license

is that how you spell it?

one hundred thousand receipts

three sobriety chips

a hundred and some dollars

mostly in fives

some other cards but i can’t recall what they were

a business card of a singer probably

i wonder where my wallet went

i had it leaving the airport

fuck

i was upset for a minute

but really it’s no skin off my back

and now it’ll be true when i tell my friends at dinner that i lost my wallet

nobody likes a liar

today i will sweep the floor

pick up garbage

stack pizza boxes in the corner

wash the bed sheets

dry the bed sheets

talk to dad

talk to marlee

talk to glenn

walk downstairs for coffee

read the brautigan book abby gave me

walk to the mall

buy hangers

go home and hang clothes

wonder about what happens when we die

enjoy everything before

eat ice cream

gentle on my mind - john hartford

buckets of rain - bob dylan

christmas in paradise - mary gauthier

still so close - braden gates

casting fly - braden gates

pictures of us - braden gates

satisfied mind - joe hayes/jack rhodes

moon river - henry mancini/johnny mercer

planning my escape - braden gates

leap of faith - braden gates

these days - jackson browne

moderate speed - braden gates

when the fiddler leaves the band - braden gates

local barroom budlight balladeer - braden gates

roses at the end of time - eliza gilkyson

my sister fell in love - braden gates

my sister had a baby - braden gates

if i needed you - townes van zandt

the cape - guy clark

christmas in prison - john prine

mexican wrestler - braden gates

coffee shop - braden gates

takes on to know one - braden gates

goodbye - braden gates

bonnie's lounge - braden gates

corn nuts - braden gates

employee of the month - braden gates

song for the line cook - braden gates

one game short - braden gates

silent night - franz xaver gruber/joseph mohr

what's there to do when a loved one dies

what's there to say when your lover cries

guess i'll let my memories take me back

guess i'll let the silence fill the cracks

tonight it's dinner at the wonton house

noodles and a diet coke

these days it's hard to tell

between indigestion and a heart that's broke

about 504 hours ago

i played a show in athabasca

it was at the nancy appleby theatre

at intermission they had lots of delicious treats being served

so i snuck out to the front to collect my fair share

i did my best to remain inconspicuous

unfortunately someone recognized me from the first set

how embarassing

they said, 'hey braden'

i said, 'hello sir' with a hand full of cookies

'i heard you on ckua today'

'oh that's good'


'baba said that you are full of wit and charm and have good stories'

'oh really?'

'yea, and we're still waiting!'

i can assure you that the second set was worse